have I found my voice again?
It seems like the last few weeks have been quieter than usual here. I feel like a conflict is going on in my brain, and all of my thoughts are in this fight for center stage, and then when it comes down to it, they’ve fought and used all of my brain power, and so none of them get to come out. My ambien is just not working as well as it used to, and so my vivid scary dreams are back towards the end of the sleeping-time. So that’s kinda mentally exhausting. There are so many projects that I want to be working on, but when my brain is so tired, its easier to just play Spider or rest in bed. I’ve read some books, but haven’t written about any of them yet. The activity that I most anticipate all week is my weekend visit with my siblings, so I save up my energy for that and don’t go anywhere else barely. Of course, the heat hasn’t helped. We’ve had almost 6 weeks of no rain now, and a lot of that time has been sweltering even more so than a normal summer. The one thing that I have been working hard at keeping up on is the MT forums questions, but my email has suffered because when my brain is tired, it takes twice as long to write some of the replies. Of course, the more advanced coding questions are my favorites to answer anyhow. LOL!
Anyhow, so tonight, I felt more like my bloggy self, and went through some of the watched items in my newsreader and have a few more I want to write about tomorrow. Hopefully, tomorrow can be a productive day without making me feel worse by the time its over. 
Comments
When you blog regularly, and you know you have people reading your blog, it is very easy to develop a sense of obligation. You feel a responsibility to keep your readers entertained. Unlike "real" work, where you have to show up to keep the money coming in every month, "blogging duty" is self-imposed. And then one day you find that what started off as a hobby has become a millstone every bit as heavy as the day job....
Do you feel a nagging guilt if you haven’t blogged for a while? Do you feel like you’re bunking off? Are you uneasy about having fun when you’re supposed to be tending your bloggy garden?
Is that any way to feel about a hobby, something that is supposed to entertain and relax you? I know I feel that way sometimes. The blogging community is so active, and moves so quickly, that it feels like you have to run to keep up. Personally, I find that it helps to admit to myself: "okay, I’m tired of this, so I’m actvely not going to do it for a while," instead of thinking, "well, I know I *ought* to be doing it, but I really don’t fancy it, so I’ll do something else instead and let it simmer guiltily at the back of my mind."
Don’t let the blogs get you down! Enjoy the breaks you take; don’t suffer through them!
Posted by: Martin | August 4, 2003 04:10 AM
So that’s where we’ve been getting all our rain from out here on the east coast! we’ve had TONS of rain--very unusual for the summer here in the southeast. here’s wishing you get some of the rain back.........
Posted by: Bet | August 4, 2003 04:56 AM
hang in there you. this place is for you alone so what you can share here and want to share here you should. when you can’t, you don’t. and all the forums folks i am sure are hopelessly devoted to your help!
Posted by: jane | August 4, 2003 09:15 AM
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so poorly! I did notice you’ve been posting less than usual, and missed you entirely one day last week. Don’t worry, though, your devoted fans will wait for you.
Posted by: Meredith | August 4, 2003 03:42 PM
Wow. Martin really hit the nail on the head.
Just take it easy, take care of yourself, and your life. Blogging will still be here when you get back, and so will all of your friends.
Posted by: Melissa | August 5, 2003 11:38 AM
I’ve been thinking about your a lot lately. I’m sorry I haven’t been very good with the commenting bit, but know that you’re always in my heart. *hugs*
Posted by: Lisa-grrl | August 6, 2003 08:16 PM