illness
E came home this afternoon, and I was laying on the couch watching TV, feeling kinda icky. He had kind of a sad look on his face, and after some welcome home kisses, I asked what was wrong.
He said he was worried about me because I’ve been so sick for so many days. He pointed out how many days it had been since I left the house. I said it wasn’t that many days, and then I started thinking about it and realized he was right. Time goes so fast, like I’m in slo-mo. I last left the house on the 12th. For valentine’s dinner. And I really didn’t feel all that well then either.
Tears came to my eyes because I feel so bad for worrying him. The last few weeks have been particularly bad, obviously. Icky stomach, bad sleeping, super dizzy head, concentration problems, extreme fatigue, sore sore joints and legs - its all there - I read like a CFIDS book. Last night, I couldn’t even remember simple things I had been doing to tell E about—I started to tell him about something that had happened and he reminded me it had happened while he was here, and I couldn’t remember it at all.
Its all so scary. I want to be strong. I want to be well almost more for E than myself. But I have bad days and worse days, and really have to force myself to make it through the worse ones.
Hopefully, the worse days will fade and I’ll move back into the pattern of okay days and bad days. Soon, please, dear Lord.
Comments
Oh, honey, if I could make you better, I would. I am so sorry that you have to be sick like this.
Know that I am always thinking of you and of E. {hugs}
Posted by: Kymberlie R. McGuire | February 25, 2003 08:09 PM
Oh Kristine.... I am so crying here. I think about you all the time, but I didn’t realize you were feeling this poorly lately. I really really want you to feel better. For you. For E. For us. But, mostly for you. Take care of yourself and know that I’m always thinking of you, too.
Posted by: Marie | February 25, 2003 09:01 PM
You’re in my thoughts all the time too. *hugs*
Posted by: Lisa, Gal of Unix | February 25, 2003 09:16 PM
I’m sorry Kristine
I wish I could do something to help you. If I lived in near you, I’d visit you... we’d have fun 
Posted by: Carla | February 25, 2003 09:24 PM
I just wanted to let you know that you’re constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I’m dealing with some weird things with my health lately, and I’ve felt very much the way you describe feeling as far as being concerned about your effect on the ones you love. I’m not sure if it’s the same for you, but I have to really watch myself when I start worrying about that too much because it definitely affects my ability to deal for myself; it becomes a nasty downward spiral or feedback loop. *hugs*
Posted by: Brandy | February 25, 2003 09:25 PM
To more of the better days and less of the bad ones! {{hugs}}
Posted by: Kathy | February 25, 2003 09:37 PM
((hugs))
Posted by: eska | February 26, 2003 08:02 AM
We’re all here, rootin' and prayin' for ya. You’ll get better, it’ll just take some time. I’m glad you have someone like E to help you with it, and love you unconditionally. He sounds like a great guy.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Posted by: GeekGrrl | February 26, 2003 08:02 AM
kristine, i know exactly how you feel. i haven’t been doing very well for weeks, either, and my hubby is absolutely worried to death about me, too.
i feel so guilty for putting him through all of this, and i so want to be well, more for him than myself.
i realize that we don’t suffer from the same illness, although we share some symptoms, but i truly empathize. i pray that both of us get some solid answers, and head down the road to recovery ASAP.
{{{kristine}}}
Posted by: shawn | February 26, 2003 08:38 AM
(((Kristine)))) I’m so sorry sweetie. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Gina | February 26, 2003 09:28 AM
I am so glad that you have such a wonderful man in your life. E is a gem - but then you already know that.
Posted by: jane | February 26, 2003 09:53 AM
Kristine, how difficult this must be! I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad, and I’m glad Eric and your family and friends are there for you. Just remember, we will all love you - no matter what (and we’ll be there to cheer you on when you are better)! I’ve only known you when you’ve been sick, and I still consider you a smartie, a great friend and endless source of cheer. I know you must feel like you’re missing out on so much, but I don’t feel like I’m missing out on your friendship.
Posted by: Donna | February 26, 2003 10:06 AM