socialness/sickness
I laid in bed last night, stressing about today. Why? I’m such a moron. I just felt myself getting more and more anxious as I thought about it.
I’m supposed to go to a bridal shower with Megan. I know the bride and her Grandma if she comes. That’s it. Megan’s IN the wedding, and so she’ll obviously know a lot more people. I don’t have anything appropriate to wear. I mean, I have things I can’t fit into I could wear, but that’s not gonna work.
I haven’t been out in a social sense with people who care what I wear since I gained the weight (since December when we went to E’s family’s house maybe? I think I could still zip my jeans then) And yes, I’ve lost a little bit of weight, but not enough.
Plus, being out on friday just kicked my ass so bad. I really couldn’t make it out of the house yesterday if I wanted to.
Man, I know Meg wants me to go, but should I? If I say no, and stay home, then I’ll have let myself be an antisocial jerk. If I go and get so anxious that I do something stupid or end up feeling even worse than I did yesterday, I’ll have let myself be a public spectical. :sigh:
And then, I start worrying about California in less than a month. Oh my god, how am I gonna make it walking through the airports? I don’t know if I can.... 
See, so these were the thoughts I went to sleep with. Doesn’t promote a good night sleep one little bit I’m a dork.
Comments
Go! Kristine, I did the same thing after my children were born. I had gained some weight and didn’t want to go anyplace. Well, now it’s 8 years later and I work very hard not to have an anxiety attack when I go to the grocery store. I have made progress, a year ago I wouldn’t go anywhere, but it’s been a long road back. I don’t mean to be presumptious here, so if I’m overstepping my bounds just ignore me... =)
It’s an easy habit to slide into and a tough one to get away from.
Posted by: Christine | May 19, 2002 07:58 AM
I so wish it was JUST the weight, Christine. After I read what I said, I realized that I focused too much on the weight issue.
The weight is making it hard to find clothes, but I’ve never been super stylish anyhow, and so I don’t really care - Megan would be embarrassed if I came in overalls, but I am not so worried about that. Its the fatigue and pain and fuzzyness (from supposed CFS) hitting my body from every side.
So yeah, if it was just about the weight, you are right, I should go. But the fact that it just took me 5 minutes to make it up the stairs because it hurt so much makes me think that I’m not well enough to go.
Well, I’ll talk to Megan and see what she thinks. She was ready to push me around in a wheelchair at Fred Meyers on friday!
Posted by: kristine | May 19, 2002 09:10 AM