matthew stuff
I’ve been pretty quiet about all these things because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to publicly mention the trouble my brother has gotten in. But if I don’t talk about it, I’m gonna go nutso.
A little background... Matthew, my youngest brother, is 15 and a Freshman in high school. This is his first year in a public school. He has gotten into some trouble throughout the year, including skipping school, climbing out his window to go "hang out" with his friends, smoking a variety of things, running away from home to California, and now stealing. They found a variety of things in his backpack last week, including 4 credit cards (which is a felony). He was being so awful (kicked down the door) that dad called the police. And then last week, the police picked him up again and then searched his room and brought him to juvie. He was there over night, and then they had a hearing which put him on house arrest except for when he’s at school. One of the requirements was that he go to all of his classes for the last 2 days of the week (the last two days before 2 weeks of spring break). He skipped two classes on Thursday, and mom was too upset/tired to deal with it. So then on Friday, he skipped more. See, he’s failing most of his classes and even if he does perfect on everything for the rest of the semester, it won’t make him pass. So dad called and brought him back to jail Friday night. He’s still there.
In the middle of all that, mom found one of her credit card bill that had $300 worth of pr0n site expenses on it. Today, another one came with $500 on it.
Matthew has two more hearings on Monday, and it sounds like my parents are just gonna let him stay in juvie until then. One hearing was already scheduled for his truancy (missing so much school) and then the other is for the new charges.
I have no idea what will happen after that. My mom has no intention of staying at home with him this next quarter; she’s starting more than a full load classes the week after next in a town an hour away, and that’s apparently more important to her than staying at home to make sure Matthew doesn’t get into more trouble.
I don’t know what to think anymore. All I can really do is pray that he’ll be safe each day, and wish for something to turn him around. Nothing that any of our family are say is affecting him, and not even anything that the police are saying/doing. Its frustrating and worrisome and a difficult situation.
So that’s the story. One of the many things that has been keeping me more than busy in the last few weeks.
Comments
I’m sorry to hear about all of this, sweetie. I wish I had some good advice to give you. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Kymberlie R. McGuire | March 28, 2004 12:28 AM
Thanks, my favorite
fishy 
friend 
I don’t think I’d have any advice to give if this was happening to any of my friends. I do appreciate the good thoughts, because it sure can’t hurt!!! 
Posted by: kristine | March 28, 2004 12:46 AM
I generally just lurk, but I figured I would pipe up for this post. Reading it was like a flashback to about fifteen years ago. My family went through the same thing with my older brother.
Talking to him now, he says he did most of the things he did to fit in. It all started soon after we moved and changed schools. I turned inward and he turned outward. He stole from my parents, got into fights, and smoked probably everything under the sun. My parents tried everything with him. They stayed home, did the psychologist, counselors, the after school programs. None of them seemed to work. Eventually they let the police do what needed to be done.
I won’t say it cured him, but he did "wise up" as my mother is fond of saying. What eventually happened is my brother left that school and didn’t have to try and fit in.
I don’t know if it is the same as it was when my brother was younger, but at least if he has to stay in juvie for any length of time, he will have to attend his classes.
As to your mom’s credit cards, it might be good for her to have the number changed if she hasn’t already. You never know who/what runs those sites and what information they saved.
It’s going to take time, but all you can do is be there to help him when he decides he wants to change. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts.
Posted by: miftik | March 28, 2004 06:31 AM
Kristine, you and your family are in my thoughts. I know it must be a difficult time for all of you, and I wish I could do more than just pray for all of you.
Although I haven’t gone through this with family member, I did have a couple of friends in high school who ended up going through the juvie system, and both of them have really straightened out since then. Your brother will reach that point too.
Posted by: Brandy | March 28, 2004 09:57 AM
I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. *hugs* Keeping all of you in my thoughts.
Posted by: Lisa | March 28, 2004 01:11 PM
I’m so sorry. I know how wrenching any type of family distress can be. You’re all in my thoughts and prayers. Just continue to take care of yourself.
Posted by: Carla | March 28, 2004 01:26 PM
Oh, Kristine - I’m so sorry it’s come to this!
I wish I had better advice, but I hope you and your family can take comfort in each other. 
Perhaps Matthew could see a counselor (and not the high school guidance counselor kind)? It seems like your dad shouldn’t have to make all these tough decisions on his own. Thinking of you all....
Posted by: Donna | March 28, 2004 04:22 PM
Kristine, I hope things start to straighten out soon... your family is in my thoughts. i’m sending lots of
and *hugs* your way.
Posted by: Cori | March 28, 2004 08:22 PM
Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I had no idea things were going so badly for Matthew. {{{HUGS}}} I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer besides good vibes and some prayers, but those are coming in droves. I love you guys, and I’m sorry you all have to go through this. I’ll be hoping that everything works out.
ps - I’m in Texas, and watching S3 of Buffy. It’s making me think of you, and my first visit. : ) I loved hanging out with you then, and meeting your sibs. Things will get better again. Keep the faith, girlie mine. : )
Posted by: Rina | March 28, 2004 10:06 PM
I’ll be praying for your family - I’m so sorry. I adore my baby brothers (all grown up now) and it always broke my heart when they did crazy, dangerous things - and they haven’t done all the things that Matthew’s doing.
I’ll be thinking of all of you.
Posted by: Jennifer | March 30, 2004 05:27 AM
i thought i had commented on this earlier, but i guess not. i’m sorry you and your family are going through this. hopefully he gets himself straightened out soon. i had a LOT of problems as a teenager. The one thing that brought me back to reality was the unconditional love and support of my family. ((hugs to you, kristine))
Posted by: Jenna | March 30, 2004 12:33 PM
oh wow kristine, i am so sorry all of this is going on. i hope your family can find some peace in the weeks ahead. you’re in my thoughts and prayers, and so is matthew.
Posted by: jane | March 30, 2004 03:56 PM
lady k - i know i’m a little late on this thread, but i can’t browse blogs at my new job, and sometimes i’m just too tired to check at night. anyway...
my ex-brother-in-law went through a similar rough period at about the same age, did a lot of the same things. he was also into self-mutilation
:
he’s a huge guy, much bigger than anyone else in his immediate family. and he used his size to intimidate everyone, including his folks. he knocked his mom down a couple of times, not hitting her, more like shoving her out of his way.
now myself, i’m all for "tough love" - i believe there comes a point when you’ve done all you can, and sometimes, you just need to let the police and whomever else step in.
but my in-laws did the opposite - they loved him even more, if that’s possible. and believe it or not, he did turn his life comepletely around. he cleaned up, went on his mission for the church (mormon), got married, and he and his wife are trying to have a baby. never in a million years did i expect him to live to see 20, let alone thrive.
so it may not be an instant turn-around with matthew. i can almost guarantee that the road back is worse than the road they took to get there. but it is possible, miracles can and do happen.
you and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers
Posted by: webgrrlie | March 31, 2004 04:27 PM
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Posted by: Zuly | April 3, 2004 06:52 PM