collecting thoughts
"Where do we go from here.... "
This was what I wrote in my notebook this morning. Yes, it is a line from Once More with Feeling, but more than that, its the question I wanted to ask my doctor most.
She asked me first.
The official diagnosis she says is Fibromyalgia. The way she described it, apparently, my muscles are contracting too much, and too much of the time, and if I can tire them out, maybe they will stop their contracting. If I do have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it really doesn’t matter because it can’t be treated anymore than we are already are treating it. So for Fibromyalgia, exercise helps. I still believe that I have some symptoms which resemble CFS, but fibromyalgia is more treatable, so we’ll work on this for now. And it really could make me better. There’s a chance. It not for positive, and it will hurt along the way, but if there’s a chance, some way to get my life back. Even part of my life. The chance to leave the house more than one day every few weeks.
So, I must try. Streching, Watching how many times I can walk up and down the stairs. More mailbox trips. I have 3 months until Megan gets back from college, and then I need to be a bit better so that I can go to the health club and do low-impact exercises and maybe gentle pool work.
Push myself. Make my muscles hurt so they will get strong. Walk more. Be ready to push harder this summer. Give myself a chance at getting better. Push myself through the pain. It will hurt. The pain will be worth it. Get better.
This is gonna take a lot of prayers and support. And reminders to keep going even when it does hurt. I am blessed that there is love around me right now 
And friendship. My friends online are part of the reason that I am still able to have a happy life even with the barriers that my illness puts in my way. Thank you. And thank you in advance for your continued willingness to leave me positive thoughts and 
. Thank you 
Comments
You can do it girlie. Visualize the end result. If you need happy thoughts, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to, drop me an e-mail. I’m here for ya.
Posted by: GeekGrrl | March 24, 2003 06:52 PM
Almost forgot the hugs!!
{{{{hugs}}}}
Posted by: GeekGrrl | March 24, 2003 06:54 PM
Kristine, if anybody can do this, it is you. You have so much strength inside of you, and so much love and support from all of us, and your family, and E. many hugs and much :heart sweetie
Posted by: Cori | March 24, 2003 07:00 PM
I know you’re going to have so many people offering you support that you won’t know what to do with them all, but please remember that I’m here for you too in whatever capacity you need. We can help each other get rid of the masks.
Posted by: Brandy | March 24, 2003 07:14 PM
*coming out of lurker mode* Oh, I’m hoping this will help! It makes sense to me in my head, like stopping the hiccups by holding your breath. I’m sending you the love and lots of happy thoughts! Go You!
Posted by: Annessa | March 24, 2003 08:35 PM
Good luck with your new treatments! I hope you find some relief with them
Posted by: theresa | March 24, 2003 08:37 PM
Hey hon. I’ve been visiting your site for about a year, off and on, but I’ve never commented. I have a lot of friends with fibro and I know it can be hard, but I’m sure if anyone has the drive to handle it, it’s you. We
you, too, sweetie. 
Posted by: Erica | March 24, 2003 09:10 PM
You’re always in my thoughts. I’ll be on the sidelines cheering you on! (Wish we lived closer and then I’d cheer you on in person. *hugs*
Posted by: Lisa, Gal of Unix | March 24, 2003 09:11 PM
Just popping in to send positive thoughts. I don’t know about you but I always feel better when I can atleast DO something. Keep strong and focus on getting to each goal.
Posted by: alisa | March 24, 2003 09:51 PM
Posted by: Nancy | March 24, 2003 11:38 PM
How wonderful to have a plan! Some days will be worse than others....some will be better...but you have a plan!
Posted by: daisy | March 25, 2003 05:59 AM
I’ve been very involved in the online weightloss and fitness circles for more than 5 years. In my travels, I’ve met up with at least 3-4 different women with Fibro. They workout as intensely as I do. (I have to do it because of arthritis in my knees... move it or lose it). If you’d like to get in touch with these women for support or ideas or anything, just give me a shout.
You can do this Kristine! Anyone as smart as you, can do anything that you know is going to help you in some way!
Posted by: Bev | March 25, 2003 06:49 AM
i’ll be thinking of you. *hugs*
Posted by: reb | March 25, 2003 06:54 AM
love and hope to you...
Posted by: crinkle | March 25, 2003 11:43 AM
That’s good news - you have something concrete to work on! Just try to start slow, and by all means, try to fit in some exercise you like rather than just things you feel you have to do!
One note that may not be applicable, but you might find helpful anyway: when I started going to physical therapy after my knee surgery, I got a lot of valuable feedback from the therapists about how I was using my muscles to walk - it turns out I was spending a lot of extra energy just to get from one place to the other because I wasn’t moving efficiently! You might want to ask your doctor if physical therapy might help teach you ways to get past your muscles contracting so you don’t spend so much energy using them. I hope that makes senne
Posted by: Donna | March 25, 2003 01:13 PM
Hey, honey. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this damnable crappy illness. But I’m glad you have a diagnosis. I’m glad you have a place to start. I’m glad you have a plan of action. And I *know* with every fiber of my being that you can get better—because I’m proof. Maybe we don’t beat it—but we can live better lives, step by little itty bitty step—one mailbox trip at a time!!!!
I love you, girlie, and I’m sending you all my positive energy and tons and tons of love. You can do this. And I promise to be here for you, cheering you on, love!! [[[[kristine]]]]
Posted by: Zuly | March 25, 2003 02:59 PM