kadyellebee

written Monday morning in a paper journal

While we sat in the diningroom with all the guys playing games, Meg, Greg’s fiancee asked "Does he have any close friends up North?"

My answer was "Nobody can compare to this."

Its so true, these friends are so true and perfect that if there ever was a reason to move down here, it would be that. And they aren’t just terrific to E, they are wonderful to me, too. Some of them have been friends since 1st grade (E, Robert, and Greg). Brian and Quoc came later, but they all went to high school togeterh, even several of the girls.

I just can’t imagine having friends that long and that close. I’ve pushed away people because of various reasons over my lifetime. I have been such a pushover for many of my years, and so that caused me to be walked on. College helped me grow and know that I don’t NEED to do everything for everyone. Which even encouraged me to push away the people who taught me that and then still tried to use me and stomp on my head in the process!

In my dreams, I conjure up old friends. Sometimes the friends are just as abusive to me as they were in real life. Sometimes, they are perfect though, and I wish I just had taken the abuse so I would have friends. I’m oversensative to this stuff sometimes, but I really havn’t had the best luck.

I don’t search out friends anymore. Its just takes too much out of me. E loves me and is my fav person to be with. My sisters have to like me ;) and so we hang out too. I have an amazing group of online friends who I wouldn’t trade for the world. But its just easier right now to not try harder at this silly thing called friendship.

But, I stand by what I started writing. E’s friends can’t be compared to, and I’m lucky to fit into their circle even just a little bit. I hope that I can get close to them all over the years