kadyellebee

But I’m so stressed, that I know its not ALL that hypothesis.

3 or 4 weeks ago when Megan was home, I told her I was gonna need to go shopping for a dress when she came home for good. I need it for Craig’s graduation. Then 2 weeks ago, I reminded her of this, and she was all gung ho and talked about where we’d go. Last weekend when she was home, I’m sure I mentioned it. And then Thursday, she stopped over when I was super sick, and I said I sure hoped I got better to shop with her this weekend... and she said "Oh you will." She told me then that she was scheduled to work on Sunday. Okay, so in my head, I said Okay, saturday we’ll go shopping.

I rested tons on friday because I knew that it was gonna be exhausting walking through the mall with my legs the way they are, and even did some research and made lists and stuff. Saturday morning, no call from Meg, but I didn’t want to call the house because Dad sleeps in on Saturday. By noon, I was getting annoyed, and finally tried to call her on E’s insistance. Nobody home. Called 3 times, and once from the restaurant. I finally called Mom’s cell phone, and she said Meg hadn’t said anything about shopping, but that she went to the doctors to see about some drugs to get rid of her cold.
So E and I went shopping for him, but I wasn’t about to put him through the torture of shopping for a dress with me. :sigh: So no dress, and home sore and sad after an hour+ of walking to do the things we did do. I was bitchy to E and didn’t mean to be, it just came out.

Megan called at like 3 something to see what I was doing. In my head, I was saying "What am I doing? I just got back from NOT shopping with you. " But I actually said "I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. Didn’t we have plans to go shopping today?" She was just clueless, didn’t realize I’d meant today, and said she’d been busy. She said we could later on, and I was like no way, I’m already all worn out. :sigh:

So now i feel like a big inconvenience to everyone. Obviously if I reminded her that many times and she still didn’t remember, she didn’t want to go. I trust her fashion sense, and she seemed excited about going the first few times we talked about it. I was pissy to E for no good reason, and made him not have as much fun shopping as he should have. And now someone is going to have to be inconvenienced to bring me back to the mall at another time to find a dress. THIS week. And I really don’t think shopping with Lisa would do me good (she’s a size 6; I’m having to shop because I’ve gained so much weight); I really don’t trust Mom’s tastes, and I really don’t want to see Megan. Sigh, sigh, and sigh.

I’ve got enough to stress about this week w/o this. I planned it in advance at a good time for Megan (after she was completely done with school). I have my doctors appt this week and I’m so nervous about it. I’ve got changes happening at work that I’m so not prepped for because I was sick the last two days. AND I’m trying to keep my health up for going to CA. Which is another completely worrysome event because E’s family hasn’t seen me since I’ve been completely gordo-fat-girl. And the graduation ceremony is outside on a hot summer day in So. CA, and I’m nervous about how I’ll be able to make it through. I *know* I won’t be getting enough sleep, and when I do, I’ll be teased for going to bed in the middle of everything. And on top of that, I’m having nightmares of walking through the airport. I’m not sure how I can do it all. Its all so much on my head.

Soooooo, the bottom line is I have no dress. I tried on several things in my closet, and its not just my added weight in my tummy and thighs, which a tummertucker might have been able to hide - my rib cage area actually has expanded, and so I can’t zip the dresses up. :sigh: And I have to go to Craigs grad and be presentable because he’s my brother-in-law, and I’ll be wanted to be IN the pictures!

Can you feel the spot right above my left eye tensing up as I type this? It is. So now, I’m gonna just sit here and do some happy breathing exercises to calm down. And then, start lists. That will help in the long run.