dad talk
I talked to my dad for a while this morning. I talk to him every morning, but today I mentioned that I had spent a bunch of time this weekend working on my job description listing for him.
He said he wasn’t ignoring the fact that I’m leaving, but he just doesn’t even know what to think about it. Its overwhelming to him. He said that I’ve been basically his business partner since I was a kid, and even though mom is in it because it being their finances involved, he feels like I’m the person really doing the part of a business partner. He said "I’d sooner rather think about your mom telling me that she’s divorcing me than have you tell me you are leaving." 
And I know he’s not lying or saying it to try and get me to stay.
I wish there was some way that I could do something to make this all better. If something had changed back in August when I wrote my first letter and proclaimed my unhappyness (Leonard and Chris were just terrors then, as was mom) and told him that anti-depressents were necessary for me to make it through the daily work... if something had happened then, maybe it would have worked for me to stay.
But I’m so burnt out. I’ve been doing this job off and on since 1991 (I was 14), include every school break until 1998 when I started working full time. I just want a break. I need to get my health in order, and take care of myself. No amount of money offered or changes here will make me want to stay, and that’s the truth. The working situation has gotten so much better in the last month, with Leonard taking an active leadership role. Its been amazing. But there is still TOO much stuff that is required of me. And working with mom is stressful much of the time.
I know all this, its just so hard to hear my dad hurting. I am gonna miss working with him SO much.
Its only 7 more january-days. And then february part time. Its so hard to be so selfish about this.
Comments
Kristine...You need to do what you need to do for YOU....True your dad will miss you but you have to feel better about yourself first, if this is what YOU feel that you need to do then do it....things will work out in the end
Posted by: heather | January 22, 2002 10:31 AM
you aren’t being selfish, you just aren’t doing what they want you to do.
You aren’t bad for leaving it all. If it wasn’t family, it wouldn’t be so hard for you to go. Your dad sounds sweet, but he’s also let this abuse of you take place all these years.
As a good dad, he’ll be happier to see you healthier working elsewhere.
Posted by: Rachel | January 22, 2002 10:56 AM
You are not being selfish, sweetie. I am SO proud of you for taking care of Kristine. I agree w/Rachel, your Dad should (in time probably) be happy to see you getting healthy and happy. And I feel very sure that the rest of them will IMMEDIATELY realize just how amazing you were in that job, and what an amazing co-worker they have lost. Reality checks are funny that way. ;) Love ya!!
Posted by: Christie | January 22, 2002 11:03 AM
Kristine, you’re not being selfish! It’s great that your dad appreciates you so much, but you need to take care of yourself. I’m sure he will be happy to see you being happy for a change. Hugs!
Posted by: cheryl | January 22, 2002 01:10 PM