so tempting
What would you do if someone argued loudly with you so much that you left the building crying? Would you come back?
I am so tempted to pack up my stuff and not come back tomorrow. After one too many times of my mother coming in and yelling at me, I said "I’m tired of you thinking I’m a fool", and walked out the door. I ran down the alleyway until I found a safe place to sit and cry. For a 1/2 hour. I only considered coming back after I knew her car was gone, mainly because my keys were in here.
She would never treat another employee like this. And she should never treat a daughter like this.
I saw red when she started arguing about it. I literally could feel my teeth clenching and my whole body getting tense. I could not physically handle another argument with her today. I had to leave, there was no other alternative, except maybe throwing some things at the wall, which wouldn’t have been a good idea. And once I left, I cried because it took so much strength to even make it out of the building without yelling one more thing at her about how I feel when she treats me this way. I cried because I’m loosing out on working with my dad and annette because of her lack of respect for me and what I’ve done all these years. I cried because I was having to give up and give in. I cried because I wanted to go home and not come out ever. I cried.
She makes me feel so little, and so incompetent, when I’ve given so much, and continue to give, and I know my job. There’s no doubt in my mind that the issues we’ve fought over so meanly are issues that I understand better than she does. And that’s no cockyness, its the truth. She wants to debate the finer art of "when the corrections must be in here by" Well, I know how the computer works and how long it takes. She waits until 3:30 (when the UPS guy is supposed to come at 3) to ask us if an address is right. On further investigation (3 minutes worth), we aren’t sure and have to call. The UPS guy pulled in the minute we found out. IF she would have gotten the corrections in at a reasonable time, this wouldn’t have been an issue. So I said something to her to imply that things needed to be changed so we got the corrections sooner. And she toook it as me yelling at her - I may have raised my voice a little bit, but I didn’t yell or call her ridiculous as she took my words to mean. I said nothing of the sort, nor would I ever.
I called Annette in the middle of this post. She doesn’t see how mom could misconstrue my words like that. She was sitting right there. And mom came back in to apologize to Annette for bringing in the corrections so late (which was a pointless apology because she made it sound like this was the first time it had happened - its a continueous problem). And then she turns around and yells at me about it as soon as Annette walks out the door? Why apologize if you don’t mean it? Annette said it may have been just that she feels she can say more to me than she would to an employee. But why would you intentionally yell at someone who is depressed and leaving her job because of it? Especially when the fights are about stupid little petty things. That’s pointless.
My heart just breaks every time another issue comes up and I get reamed about it. Embrace the inner hostility. I don’t feel like breathing and putting it behind me. I am mad at her, and I’m furious that she treats me this way. Its not fair, and its not professional, and I don’t deserve this.
I have to stay because I promised my dad I wouldn’t just walk out. But I am so tempted. I’m also considering doing my work locked in my office tomorrow. Maybe that will make me survive until the weekend.
:sigh:
(I typed this for me, not for a pity party. I know that its whining, but if someone posts something about me being a whiner and not worth being married to again, I fucking swear I’ll hunt you down.)
Comments
I think you did a good thing by physically leaving the situation. At this stage of the game, with an ending in sight, that may be the best short-term tactic. Simply say, "I won’t allow you to speak to me that way." and go for a walk. I feel bad for your mom... she doesn’t sound like she likes herself very much.
Posted by: Dara | January 10, 2002 04:56 PM
ugh! that is just so uggh! i’m crying for you. bah. please know that so many of us love you so much and care about you and that you have my support through all of this petty stupidness.
and if you make one stupid comment, dear anonymous bitch-girl, i will help her find you!
Posted by: zalary | January 10, 2002 05:19 PM
oh my goodness kristine.
i am so sorry that you have to go through this. if you think that doing locking yourself in your office would allow you to save some of your sanity, then by all means, go ahead and do it. nobody should have to deal with that sort of treatment from anybody. especially from a mother to a daughter.
i love you, girl. *hugs*
Posted by: Cori | January 10, 2002 06:17 PM
well, i’m sure you read how i feel about family members stepping over the line. but perhaps, if you’re afraid of confrontation as it seems to be, you could write her a letter, telling her how much it hurts you that she does this to you and that you would appreciate being treated like the professional you are. that way, take the accusations and anger out of it and focus only on how she treats you and how that makes *you* feel.
usually, if you point out someone’s behavior to them, and they hurt you but didn’t mean to, guilty apologies will follow. i don’t know much about your relationship with your mom, though, so maybe that won’t work.
(( hugs ))
Posted by: Candi | January 10, 2002 08:24 PM
When are you leaving? Have you started looking for a new job? Don’t forget how angry your mom makes you and put that energy to use. (i know it’s hard but its the best advice i can think of) You deserve much more
*hugs*
Posted by: Laure | January 10, 2002 09:05 PM
(I don’t think you’re a whiner, and I will also help you hunt them down...I’ve already been on the anonymous-comment trail for friends this week...) I’m so very sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’re right—she shouldn’t do this to you because you’re an employee—but especially because you’re a daughter. And I agree with Laure—you *do* deserve much more!
Posted by: Robyn | January 10, 2002 09:44 PM
As another victim of the "bad daughter" syndrome, I feel your pain. Meanwhile, you simply must accept that you are a bad daughter. Scream things like "no more wire hangers!!!" at yourself and stuff like that. Only then might you overcome it. No, no, no ... I’m just kidding. Wanted to see if I could make you laugh. Seriously - it’s not you, it’s her. And you can’t control her actions - but you can control your reactions. (Or at least try.) 32 years with my mother, I am finally learning. Sometimes. We had one of those insane petty arguements tonight - they suck. I’m sorry and hoping you feel better. Remember, no more wire hangers! (Call her "Mommy Dearest" someday and see the hairs on her neck bristle. It was a cool effect when I tried it on my mom!)
Posted by: Christine | January 10, 2002 09:49 PM
*HUGS*
Girlie, I’m sorry this happened to you...I think it was good that you left before something really happened.
You are not a whiner or a baby...don’t ever hide your feelings from yourself.
No one has a right to treat another living creature that way. I have left jobs because of this same thing, except it wasn’t a family member.
*HUGS* for you girl, you know I’m here if you want to talk.
Love you!
Posted by: Sara | January 11, 2002 06:19 AM
Candi - its beyond the point that I even am worried about telling her how I feel. I just want to get out of here. Even if it means they refuse to pay me my back wages, I just want to go, and not deal with her mental issues.
Laure - I’ve told my dad that I will be staying with my 4-day weeks through the end of January, and if needed, I’ll do 2-day weeks for transition sake in February. My sister thinks I should just say that January is the end, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get all of my work done in that period of time. I’m not planning on getting a new job for at least a few months after this. I’m gonna take a 2-4 month break and try to get my health back and possibly work on developing my graphics design business to see if I could work at home after this 2-4 months.
Christine - I’m sorry that you are having problems w/your mom too. This all bites!
Thank you all so much for your support. You guys rock so much, and if I could come over to your houses and give you each a hug, I sure would
Posted by: kristine | January 11, 2002 08:49 AM
Man, Kristine, I am so sorry you had to go through that. I’m sending you lots of love and comforting thoughts. Parents can be very hard to work for, I’ve worked on and off through the years for my parents, and I know how tough it is when they walk all over you.
xoxo
Posted by: Eden | January 11, 2002 08:56 AM