kadyellebee

After 2 full months of 4-day weeks, I still am finding myself stressed and overwhelmed. What more do I want? I wish I knew! I get so worked up about the inconsideration of the people I work with. It stresses me out to no end, and makes me sit up at night and worry even. I can’t change them. I can’t stop them from laying a week-long production sheet on the desk and expecting that in the last hour of work, we’ll finish it. I can’t make them happy. But I will worry about how I could make them happy, even though they give no consideration to my feelings.

So what do I want? I know the basic.... I want to be happy. I want to feel like the stress isn’t crushing my heart when I think about work. But how do I do that?

I’m trying to get better, honest. I’m not trying to fight this. I do see aspects of my life that have improved. I have a desire to cook, a desire to have a clean house, and a renewed interest in keeping things organized. My creativity has returned, like a faucet that was turned back on. I feel better about me - my self esteem is not nearly as bad as it was. My relationships are thriving again, instead of me being holed up not wanting to talk to anyone. I am (for the first time ever) showing an interest in healthy eating and doing things to make myself live longer.

But I don’t see much improvement of my ways I deal with the work situation - my anger is still on the surface when things happen, I still get really fluster and frustrated when projects aren’t working out well, and my attention span for the jobs is lacking severly. I also am dealing with side effects due to the drugs, which probably aren’t helping anything at work - my weight has gone up, I still have jitterly legs, and my desire for love-time with E is way down. And I don’t seem to see an improvement in my desire to learn to drive. I was doing really well for a long time, and since a stressful few weeks in September, I just haven’t seemed to care to find time to worry about it.

So see, there are positives and negatives. I still need more, though. I need to not feel so rushed through my days. What else can I do??