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I started to write this long post last night, but decided it would be better if I edited it a bit before posting. And yet, I barely edited. I wrote after a particularly stressful afternoon.

After 2 full months of 4-day weeks, I still am finding myself stressed and overwhelmed. What more do I want? I wish I knew! I get so worked up about the inconsideration of the people I work with. It stresses me out to no end, and makes me sit up at night and worry even. I can’t change them. I can’t stop them from laying a week-long production sheet on the desk and expecting that in the last hour of work, we’ll finish it. I can’t make them happy. But I will worry about how I could make them happy, even though they give no consideration to my feelings.

So what do I want? I know the basic.... I want to be happy. I want to feel like the stress isn’t crushing my heart when I think about work. But how do I do that?

I’m trying to get better, honest. I’m not trying to fight this. I do see aspects of my life that have improved. I have a desire to cook, a desire to have a clean house, and a renewed interest in keeping things organized. My creativity has returned, like a faucet that was turned back on. I feel better about me - my self esteem is not nearly as bad as it was. My relationships are thriving again, instead of me being holed up not wanting to talk to anyone. I am (for the first time ever) showing an interest in healthy eating and doing things to make myself live longer.

But I don’t see much improvement of my ways I deal with the work situation - my anger is still on the surface when things happen, I still get really fluster and frustrated when projects aren’t working out well, and my attention span for the jobs is lacking severly. I also am dealing with side effects due to the drugs, which probably aren’t helping anything at work - my weight has gone up, I still have jitterly legs, and my desire for love-time with E is way down. And I don’t seem to see an improvement in my desire to learn to drive. I was doing really well for a long time, and since a stressful few weeks in September, I just haven’t seemed to care to find time to worry about it.

So see, there are positives and negatives. I still need more, though. I need to not feel so rushed through my days. What else can I do??


I don’t know what to tell ya, except that things won’t happen over night.... umm what drug are you on? Prozac? If it’s in the SSRI family of drugs that can affect your relationship w/E (its a side effect) you might consider switching meds to another alternative, check webmd or if you see me online feel free to IM me...

Paxil makes peoples' libido turn non-existant. It’s a common side effect. Good luck!

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