kadyellebee

I need to close myself off. I need to stop having feelings. I need to discontinue my need to be liked, accepted, understood, acknowledged. If I could do all of that, I would no longer be hurt by the arrows shot at me out of my brothers eyes. I need to realize that no one else cares about the stupid paths I want data to travel in our workplace. I need to throw the papers in the air and not care where the fall. I need to fly away, far away, where not of this will bother me anymore.

Dad talked to Leonard yesterday. But still, he comes to my office, as argumentative as ever, saying that I just think his ideas are stupid. No, I don’t, but I do have a certain amount of information that I need from the production people in order to make my computer give me the right data. They don’t want to provide that, they think they already are doing too much work. I try to explain, and I try understanding where they are coming from, but when it comes down to it, I still need the data. I knew they would rebel against the new computer system. But I didn’t know they would make me want to pull my hair out just to have pain other than that which they are spewing down on me. Blech.

I am breathing, calming, thinking. I will survive this day.