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fun for me

"Have fun."

Have fun? That was my dad’s parting comment to me as I left work a little while ago. Have fun? No, this is not fun. I barely made it through work today, just waiting until the moment I could come home, climb into bed and just wait for the moment that sleep would overwhelm me so the pain would stop.

Have fun? If fun is crying and worrying and pain that radiates from every bone, muscle, joint, and limb. If fun is waking up with my feet and hands asleep and tingly. If fun is barely being able to walk up the stairs. If fun is going from one moment hot to the next shivering; one moment hungry to the next naseous; one moment okay to the next not.

How is it that he doesn’t see this? I’m giving EVERYTHING I’ve got right now, I’m not doing this just because its *funner* to have the afternoon off. I keep trying to fit a 40+ hour work week into a 16 hour work week, and work as hard as I possibly can during the hours I’m there. But I’m not seen as being a valid part of the work force because I’m at home "having fun."

Have fun, indeed.


Hmmm... which begs the question yet again: why did you agree to stay? Are you being appreciated? Is working there helping you achieve any of your personal, creative goals? Is it helping your mental health? Improving your physical well being? Have they paid you recently, or paid you any of the money they owe you for previous months?

And now that I’m done yelling, I will add that of course I hope you feel better. But maybe it’s time to revisit the idea of working for your family again.

it probably wouldn’t do any good, but have you thought of getting a doctor’s note? i mean, you’re physically disabled, kristine, and no one except your parents would expect you to work under those conditions.

everytime i read about how much pain you’re in, and how miserable you are, i keep thinking, "why hasn’t her doctor done more? run more tests? sent her to a specialist? what is taking so long to diagnose her?"

so i guess i’m asking you: what’s taking so long?

I can’t really add anything more than the above other than I literally know what you are going through and don’t understand how you are able to move and function, much less work under those conditions, each day. Please take care of you. I pushed. i forced one more day. I didn’t follow my own advice. And six years later...... *thinking of you*