kadyellebee

I have a feeling that there was food in my dreams last night. At least I don’t remember crying in my dreams; that’s been happening more lately.

But I’m famished! And its only 3:40!!! Part of this is because I wasn’t very hungry for dinner last night, so I had an apple and a yogurt and water. Oh, and a piece of Lisa’s banana bread. I had put my yogurt in the freezer, and so it was time consuming to eat, so there still is part of it in the freezer Maybe I’ll go downstairs and eat some of that.

I sure hope that today feels better. My dad was acting kinda odd yesterday, and I don’t understand why. And so then we didn’t get a few things done that were important. It was weird. And Annette’s solutions for next week suck. She doesn’t want her kids at home alone during spring break, and there’s nobody to watch them. So I’m having to either work full time or work afternoons, both options bite royally. I really don’t think I’m physically able to work full time. I’m not just making this up for sympathy, whatever she make think. I’m really in pain a lot of the time, (like right now, as I feel my legs falling asleep) and I really do go home and nap. Its not just for fun. And working afternoons really is contrary to my natural desire. I’d SO much rather go into work, get my stuff done, so THEN I can relax. If I’m at home all morning, I’ll be spending time worrying about being ready on time, and that will mean that morning naps aren’t nearly as productive as afternoon naps, and plus, its not very fair to E to have to hurry around worrying about me at night after work. His schedule is in so much flux right now that he could come to get me at 4:30, or he could come to get me at 7. Which makes for a long afternoon, and a hard amount of time to have to try and plan my work.

So basically, I just am not liking next week. ANd if this is a flash forward to the summer, I’m worried because I don’t want to have to be the person to relieve Annette if she only wants to work half days. And I’m supposed to be taking over for mom, but I don’t know how this is all gonna work. I feel like there is so much pressure on me to "just snap out of it" - it being my "supposed-cfs-diagnosis." Its like people just think I’m screwing off.

So its stressful, and I’m anxious. And I’m anxious about my doctors appointment, which is next thursday (and I’m NOT missing for work, even if I do have to work in the afternoon.) So all around, its easy to see why sleep is so hard!

So yeah, that’s what’s going on in my head this early morning!