and today was...
We celebrated my mom’s birthday today, since everybody was around today. Her birthday is on Tuesday. It was a chance that all of us kids were able to be there, so the table was full with 10 people. But next time we all get together, we’ll probably have 11 
Leah is due any day. I had a great time with my family, we ate good food, I got to meet Lisa’s boyfriend, and we talked about all of the info about Leah’s birth. We spend a lot of time sitting and chatting, and I was pretty tired feeling by the time we left.
If I had password protected entries, the rest of this would be one of them. Please be respectful if you decide to comment.
E seemed pretty bored while we were all talking, and even fell asleep for a while.
I mentioned that to him on the way home. This made me think that maybe if he wasn’t interested in the baby stuff we were talking about for Leah’s impending birth, what would happen if we had a baby? And what will happen as we watch Leah grow up, is he gonna be bored every time we get together?? Ya know, a lot of what-ifs.
I must be overly emotional today. I didn’t mean to, but tears came to my eyes. And once that happens, I can’t stop. We talked about it, and I told him that I was worried we wouldn’t have kids and my only chance to watch babies grow up was through my siblings. There. It was out.
He held my hand, and we came home and laid in bed and talked. I know, irrational fears, worrying about what-ifs.
I’m feeling a bit better now.
And as I sit here taking my drugs, I see that I just took the last pink pill. Of course, that was probably a big part of the reason I cried, I’m always more emotional around these days.
Tomorrow is a new day, and my tears will have dried up.
Comments
I’m glad you’re feeling better & I’m sure it’ll be okay.
And that’s all I’ve got. 
Posted by: Masaka | May 26, 2003 06:44 AM
Matt and I have talks like that every once in a while. I often feel like having children is much more important to me than it is to him and that we’ll end up putting it off because it’s not the "right time" until we don’t have any time left. I can get extremely emotional about it if I let myself think about it too much.
Posted by: Brandy | May 26, 2003 07:42 AM
I am the queen of what if’s. I know it’s not good for me, but I can’t help it. Some days they just overwhelm me and turn me into a snivelling mess. And most of them, are regarding Kayla, so I know that where children are concerned, or the possibility of children, things can get very emotional. You have a big heart hon, and people with big hearts sometimes have days like this. Hang in there sweetie!
Posted by: Nancy | May 26, 2003 01:46 PM