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The journal site for Kristine Beeson of HopelessRomantics. A series of hopes and dreams.

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July 24, 2001 ~:~ 2:00pm
I made it through my checkup this morning!

I got to get up an hour later than normal this morning since I didn't come to work until after my appointment. So I lounged a bit before starting in on my routine (thanks for all of your kind notes about my routine yesterday. You are so sweet, girls!).

I added in some time to my routine for meditating. I am kinda unsure about where my relationship with God stands right now, but after a long post I wrote this weekend on silveringrid, I've decided that I want to start trying again and seeing if I can at least spend some time every day in my thoughts. I sat on my futon and said a prayer and looked out the window at the beautiful trees. Perfect moment.

Oh, and since I got to wake up E in time for him to get ready to take me to my appt., I got to make my bed and straighten the bedroom! Woo hoo! :) If I had had a bit more time, I would have taken the dishes out of the dishewasher and the clothes out of the dryer, but there's always tomorrow :)

So I went to the dr. As I was sitting there waiting for my name to be called, E was staring at my hands.
"Whatcha looking at?"
"Your hands."
"What for?"
"They aren't shaking"
And they weren't.
This is amazing because for the last few appointments, I've been so shakey that I can barely stand. I went through this whole appointment without barely a tremor. Yea!!

One of my concerns when I went in was my bouncy leg - I've added a nervous twitch to my legs when I'm sitting and doing nothing or sitting and working. Its not too annoying, I was just worried that it meant something more than just nerves. Dr. Yturri said that my brain is getting extra stimulation right now, and so that will balance out over the next few months, and then I'll stop with the twitch! For now, I'm burning calories while I do it! (thanks again for being smart, Zalary!) :)

My list that I made this morning to share with her: and my thoughts/her thoughts after them
bouncy leg -see above
artistic gains -I feel like the balancing effect is making the right brain more excitied - I'm drawing and designing like crazy... which makes me happy
sidetracked at work/lethargic -Along with above, I might be having less brain energy for work related ideas
cookies baked=progress -I'm getting back into things I didn't realize I wasn't doing
more organized -I almost feel like household chores might be able to be done on a daily basis
still side pains -work is STILL stressful, and I can't get away from a certain amount of the pain that goes along with that
happier per E -E says he really can see a difference in me, that I'm happier. I can see that my personal life is getting better; work life is still in process
sleep/naps -I used to be so tired all the time that a nap would make me feel better; now I can see that naps are making me more likely to not be able to sleep
eating habits -desire to eat better. I'm doing more balance in my meals, trying to bring food instead of crap every day.
stop taking? -I was a bit concerned about what happened when I got off the drugs, and she was quick to assure me that there is nothing dependent about these drugs and I should be off of them in 6mos to a year with not resounding side effects.

Overall, she was pleased with my progress. We didn't talk much, but I'm going back in 6weeks to check up again, and she feels that I'm on the road to balance in my depression and anxiety. This will not cure my stress, but it will make things more managable until I can remove the stress. Phew!

So thank you for all of your kind thoughts while I go through this. I'm so lucky to have a supportive group of online friends to turn to when I don't feel comfortable sharing this with much of my family here.

- , Kristine

July 24, 2001 ~:~ 12:00pm
Is it unreasonable to think that if I write: "Hand deliver on Monday July 23" on an order that it will go out then? Every single fucking thing I've written a specific date on has either been questioned or just not done until after that time. How can I expect to communicate with dad and the customers if basic instructions arne't followed. And besides that, my fucking mother fucking defended the assholes who didn't have it ready. "Oh, they are just so busy." FUCK. I don't believe that for a second - Lisa is doing half of Chris's job right now.

Okay, I'm done swearing. I just had to let that out.

I probably over-reacted. I just need to record these moments because it makes me crazy when I wonder why my job makes me insane. These moments are the catalysts for my stress. So I wrote. And I didn't delete.

- , Kristine

Microwave popcorn. 13 cups of goodness per bag.
Stabbing Westwards' Haunting song. Its stuck in my head since E played it on our drive home
Tara Music. Gives me peace among the storm.
Painting. I could do this all day.
Animal Cookies. Quick, catch the one that escaped from the bag!

FavoriteReads SilverIngrid

Health Notes ~:~
last week: 145 | 144 | 143 | 143 | 141
072301: 8hrs sleep; mostly good | 145
072401: 8hrs sleep; dr appt.; happy | 145
072501: 7.75hrs sleep; mostly good; afternoon stressed | 144
072601: 7.5hrs sleep; morning stressed, sleepy | 142
072701: 8.25hrs sleep; morning hurried, stressed some, talked to dad | 143
073101: 7.5hrs sleep |144
080101: 9hrs sleep | 142
080201: 8.5hrs sleep; stressed @work | 144
080301: 7.5hrs sleep; stressed @work | 145

062901 | 070701 | 071401 | 072101

This page is a Love-Production, 2001.